Sign Here Please

Last week, we had our annual "State of the Union Address" at work. It's really an off campus luncheon with presentations, a meal we don't have to pay for and assigned seating. Not a bad deal as it's only once a year - note the word annual - and the food is good. This year, they even added entertainment. I knew this in advance as I was approached by a co-worker who asked for my participation in having my handwriting analyzed. I thought this could be cool. She gave me a paragraph regarding purple people eaters and monkeys that could read. The only instructions were to copy the paragraph as it was written, in cursive, then to sign my name. Even I can do this.

Now, I have never been one to believe in much outside of a supreme being, God, or what we used to call our Higher Power in recovery. I've never visited a psychic, had my palm read, my future seen in playing cards, or had anyone read my tea leaves, my coffee grinds or my bathtub ring. I met a self proclaimed gypsy once in a 12 step program but that's a topic for another time. I was noncommittal about "Psychic Cindy" and quite honestly didn't know what to expect. As the event broke for lunch, the entertainment began.

Slowly but surely a line of women began to form in front of Psychic Cindy. I was meandering around the event and didn't think much of it, expect to notice the men wanted nothing to do with this experiment, until I saw a co-worker visibly shaken. When asked, she told me that Psychic Cindy mentioned her dear departed brother and reassured her that it was an accident. Hardly the type of thing you expect at a work function. This revelation along with the fact that she accurately guessed about two weddings and one coworkers desire to live in a foreign country made me nervous. What had she seen about me in my handwriting sample? Does my handwriting give link to my idiosyncrasies, my insecurities, my inability to choose paint colors, the fact that at this very moment I could use a glass of wine? I decided to see for myself.

I made it to the front of the line and introduced myself to Psychic Cindy - I really wanted her to guess my name since she's supposed to be "tuned in". Instead, she greeted me and told me she couldn't give me the results of my reading as it was going to be revealed publicly, in front of my co-workers. Holy crap! I swallowed hard, got up and walked away.

Fifteen minutes later she began describing "this person", aka, me to the group. She said I was "indecisive right now and trying to make a major decision but was unable to go forward with it at this time". She also mentioned sneakers, which I had on my feet, that I may visit Florida, I went in May, that I had close family relations and speak to my mother daily, which I do, that I may have new window treatments, I had purchased a new blind six days before this event, that I loved sunny airy spaces and like to have plants around. Have any of you ever seen my backyard? She went on to include that I like music from the 40's, not so much, but that I listen to the radio, which I do, that I may have something new in the bathroom. Does paint count? All in all, she was about 90% accurate, which is pretty darn good from someone who didn't/wouldn't guess my name.

Is there a downside to all of this? Yes. I wanted her to mention that I would soon meet the man of my dreams followed closely by winning the lottery - not necessarily in that order. Much to my dismay, she did not. I hope to remedy this by inviting Cindy to my home where I intend to have a slumber party with my daughters, sisters, mom and few close girlfriends. Maybe if I liquor her up, my future will be brighter!