Monday, August 29, 2016


       Have you ever had one of those days when you wake up okay but an hour later you’re in tears? Welcome to being me. For some reason I’m off kilter today. As tears course down my face I’m left playing detective. What happened between 6:30 and 7:30 a.m.? Other than not being able to put my hands on a prescription I picked up from the pharmacy over the weekend, not a damn thing. Is my inability to find this item a travesty? Not hardly but it did take me into a rabbit hole of darkness.

     You see, my house is currently a mess. Although I managed to wash my sheets yesterday, I didn’t get much else done in the house. Instead, I spent my day elsewhere. I went to church, did my grocery shopping on my way home, put away said groceries, had lunch with my daughter who travels and I rarely get to spend any quality time with lately, drove her home, came back, stopped by my moms, took a quick 30-minute nap, got up and made dinner for my family, fed the dog, broke up a fight between the dog and the cats, washed the dinner dishes, deadheaded my rosebushes, watered the backyard, moved the laundry, took my grandson out for ice cream, put gas in my car, put the sheets on my bed and collapsed. As I look at this paragraph, I’m tired all over again.

     Why is it that I allow the one thing that is left undone to become my undoing? Is it because my standards are so high? Doubtful. Is it because I was a single mom for so many years that it’s become a habit to beat myself up? Possibly. Is it because as women who work both inside and outside of the home, we are frequently one misplaced item away from losing our shit? My guess is yes.

     What about you? When was the last time you were in tears over a non-issue? Did you let the beast bury you or did you get up, beat the crap out of it with shoe and move on? I let the tears fall and asked God to get me through the day. I shared with both of my girls that I was having a rough morning and they told me they loved me. THEY LOVED ME! It’s a miracle! Me, with my messy house, lost prescription and tear stained face, am loved.

     Suddenly, my day just got better.


Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Where Does the Time Go?

A few weeks ago over a drink, okay over many drinks, some friends, my daughter and I started talking about my blog. I knew it had been a long time since I posted anything but I could not have imagined it was six, count them, six years since I visited this site. I was amazed to find it right where I had left it. The posts and pictures were there, the comments or lack there of and the memories of my life in my 40's.

As I sit here tonight at the age of 53 and look back; my life is different on many levels yet very much the same. The women I wrote about in Four Dolla Hookahs are still in my life, with the exception of one who now resides in my heart. The husbands and boyfriends of my daughters have moved on but the tenacity, grace and laughter of my girls remain. My sweet "baby grand" is now a tall, strapping 10 year old who still steals my heart but no longer sits on my lap. It's almost unimaginable. Me? I'm older, heavier, with more gray hair and with time marching across my face and my ass. I'm still a God fearing, Jesus loving, wine drinking girl who hasn't gone on a date in longer than I wish to admit. I still pray, curse, work and grocery shop but somewhere along the way, I stopped writing. I don't know why. I just did.

Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever walked away from something that used to make you happy just because? When you think back, can you put your finger on the reason? Were you too busy, too sad, too medicated or was it just too much work? I honestly can't say why I walked away but the proof that I abandoned this blog stares back at me, frozen in time. It makes me sad to think that over the course of six years I didn't feel compelled to share any. thing. at. all. That changes today.

Join me in this adventure by revisiting something that used to make you happy (and I'm NOT talking about an old boyfriend). Call your cousin, stay up too late watching crappy movies, eat pie, tickle your sister until she pees, something. Just please, don't leave me here alone for another six years. We have too much to offer and life is short. Now I'm off to freshen up my drink and my page.