Have you ever had one of those days? I mean a really crappy day? I had one today. Being as it was a Saturday, it was unexpected. Saturdays are meant for meaningful chores that I don't have time to get to during the week like shopping, grilling out, hanging with friends. Not today.
It all started with a wedding. I was supposed to go to a wedding today for a co-worker. However, I had nothing to wear. So, I got up early - my first mistake on Saturday - and went to the mall. It never entered my mind that today was the day before Father's Day. My wonderful dad passed away 3-1/2 years ago and all of the "Dad's Day" displays just depressed me. I already never have a day go by when I don't think of him and seeing all of the goodies for dad just made matters worse. Boy, did that sent the tone for the day.
Back to reason I was shopping. For those of you that know me, I have an interesting figure. My top is at least two sizes larger than my bottom so I NEVER venture into the dress department. With that said, I'm a "separates" type of girl. Right now, my ass is as fat as ever, but it still means shopping in two different departments. My shirts/blouses are from the women's department and my pants/shorts are from the ladies department. To make a very long and discouraging story short, after making 15 rounds from one department to the other, I came home with nothing. The wedding was off. However, I got a really great deal on pillows.
Next came the guilt about RSVP'ing to an event that 1) you didn't attend and 2) all of your co-workers will be raving about on Monday. I consider calling in dead. And for those of you that are curious, for not being Jewish, I do the "guilt" thing really well.
Next came the guilt about the size of my body, followed by how many diets I've tried and failed at over the past 10 years. This was closely followed by the thought that the last time I was at a wedding, I was three years into a relationship I thought would last forever (it didn't, see Mr. Former). Up next was the fact that I haven't been on a date in almost a year. On the heels of that was all of the things I hoped to accomplish when I moved here almost seven years ago. Instead of focusing on the things I have done, I ending up focusing on my failures and shortcomings.
To rid myself of my demons, I headed to the grocery store with #1 and I ended up leaving, in tears. # 1 was patient and blessfully silent on the ride home. She put away the few paltry groceries I managed to buy and I went to bed for the balance of the afternoon. When I awoke, I decided to give myself the balance of the day and evening for my pity party.
Tomorrow, I promise, will be better. I will start yet another diet and put on makeup strictly because it makes me feel better. I will allow a few tears when I wish my dad a happy Father's Day. I will watch the birds land on the feeders spread throughout my back yard and listen to the sound of my grandson laugh. I will call my best friend and be kind to my mom. I will find creative ways to avoid the almost 100 degree heat we are having and I will focus on what's right with me instead of what's wrong. More than anything else, I will promise myself to say "no thank you" the next time I receive an invitation to a wedding.
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